Monday, April 7, 2008

a thing

I could have chewed Luke's leftover piece of roasted marshmallow right. off. his. cheek he was so cute! It was his very first bonfire and it captured every ounce of his attention. His concentration on those flames was so intense.

Oh, that boy of mine.

I find it hard to accurately put it to words just how much I love that little guy. And, honestly, come on, I know it would be kinda weird to snuggle your little big guy to sleep every night when he's 17, but I can't imagine not being able to hum to him while I hold him close, kiss his little neck making him laugh to breathlessness, smell his hair, and listen to him repeat, in his most precious voice, the prayer I say for him before bed. I pray my heart never aches for these special days back....That I will always veer my focus on the now and not the then...That I won't sob myself to sleep when Luke's out on a date and not home by 7:30 to rock together in his rocking chair. Does that makes sense?

You see, I'm going through a "thing" right now. If I haven't already been honest with you, I'm going to be now. When the twins were born, I thought I was running an understaffed daycare where parents were forgetting to pick up their children at the end of the work day. Julia was 4 months shy of 3 and Luke was 15 months. I found myself thinking, "If only Norah and Hazel could hold their bottles, or crawl, or feed themselves." I wished Luke wasn't so dependent on me, allowing me to give the twins more attention. And I knew it. I knew it. The days would come when I wanted to freeze time because my babies were actually doing all those things.

That's the "thing" that I'm going through. Before I know will be summer (yea, right. Maybe I'm way off on that one being that snow fell while I crawled out of bed this morning) and we'll be parkin', walkin', swimin', and campin' that season away.'ll be Football season and next thing you know, we'll be sitting around the kitchen table discussing which child gets to take the car out that night. BTW, how many cars do you have for (2) 16 year olds, a 17 year old, and an 18 year old?

So the night we bonfired it up, I couldn't help but see how much our little boy was growing up. He's not only a Momma's boy, he's now a Daddy's boy too. And I know it's a milestone that all 2-3 year old boys go gravitate toward their daddies. I really do love watching Luke look at his dad like he's the know all. I just love watching Luke act like his momma's the all knowing.

For now, I'll keep running the memory of Luke basking in his bucket of Sunshine that evening. For he is "big, big, big, big boy," as he says it. Big boy who holds stick...with marshmallow on it...that's flaming. And in my my mind, I've frozen an image of that cute corner lip stuck with one way or another.


Amy said...

I know EXACTLY what you mean.

I wish we could just freeze time.

Ehlan said...

I have been feeling exactly the same way lately. It is so hectic with little ones and you keep wanting it to get easier, then one day it is, and it's like WAIT! I want some back! Taking a vaca from Livi left me wanting those little things too!

Anonymous said...

I LOVE your new header! Great work:) And, before I even read this post, I was thinking what a Big Man it looks like Luke is getting to be. And how pretty Julia is. And how--indentical--H and N are! Wow.

Oh, I can SO relate (to feeling like a daycare for kids whose moms forgot them AND to wanting time to freeze and never have our kids grow up and want to date and need cars and not need us to kiss their boo boos and rock them to sleep. Sigh. I usually just try not to think about that when those thoughts pop into my head, but it's good to sometimes and I enjoyed reading this post.

Oh, and also, you really need to click here to see a post I wrote a year ago on my blog, and check out the similarity.

Angela said...

Oh, Tiffany- I know JUST what you mean and just how you feel. I feel the exact same way about my little boy! There is such a unique bond between mommy an son, anyway- and then especially when you have only 1 boy between a bunch of (or a couple of, in my case ;) girls.

Thank you for writing your post.... it is so good to know that I am in the same boat as other mommies.

Sometimes it's just so sad- isn't it?? Time just keeps ticking by. But all the more reason to savor every moment!!

Wendy said...

Hi! Thanks for visiting my blog! I've enjoyed reading yours! Your children are so beautiful! It is nice to see someone else with children so close in age!

I definitely feel like time is passing too quickly, even though I find myself checking the clock wondering how much longer until nap or bedtime all too often! I can't believe my baby just turned a year old, though! And all of a sudden my twins are using whole sentences and having actual conversations!


mamatutwo said...

Oh, I so know what you mean. I can't, don't want to, imagine a time when I won't be rocking him and singing to him, nuzzling him and just lovin' on my boy like I do now. I was looking at the pictures that I have on my blog today and thinking that I'd know the curve of that ear anywher, the shape of his neck and the back of his head...Seeing him is seeing the tender part of me...

Love your blog!