Thursday, June 5, 2008

You Never Wanted Twins?

I really have been wanting to document via our virtual interweb journal more than I've been lately. I'd prefer once daily, if I could. I was a big journal writer growing up and I want to be able to look back and remember as much as possible during this crazy busy, exciting, strenuous, energizing, tiring, fabulous, hiliarious time of our life, too. And, as I laid in bed last night, an hour or so after I prefer to rest my weary head, there were a bajillion things dancing around in my temporal lobe that I so wanted to put down on screen. My body begged to differ. "Your arms have been a little full lately--go to sleep," it whispered quietly. So I did.

But now, after being rejuvinated, I'll tell you about one dancing situation that happened on Tuesday. After the little girls' morning nap, we loaded up and headed to Joann's for some fusible interfacing. I needed to finish the girls' birthday shoes during p.m. naps, and I needed said item for an accomplishment. Therefore, load. Give the high expectation speech on our way. Unload. Enter store. We quickly got what we needed, and a few extras, and were ducking pass quickly--while avoiding any eye contact--passing by the cutting table as to avoid the I'm-gauking-at-the-site-of-how-truly-"busy"-you-must-be-with-all-those-tiny-children-in-tote conversations.

Mission NOT accomplished!

Remind me when I'm old and gray and hanging out where old people hang out NOT to talk. Just zip the lip and keep all my outspoken, old ladyish comments to myself. Please, do that for me. 'Cuz here's a huge shout out to the older lady in green who gives us the same shpeel every time we're in there. Her name? I'm not the slightest bit sure of. Probably because my eyes haven't reached her name tag yet--in the 4 times we've had an encounter with her--they're too stuck on her mouth and the words that come out of it.


"Four kids, huh?" (And I really, really dislike children being referred to as "kids." Kids are baby goats, thankyouverymuch.) "Yea, I had 4 kids in 6 years. But I never wanted twins."


*pause*


What I wanted to say back was, "Yes, I guess I do remember you mentioning that the 1st, 2nd, and 3rd times we were in here while you were working and you stopped us to "chat." And what you really want me to do with that comment, I don't know, but if my children weren't with me--standing so quietly and acting so polite--I'd climb over this table and shove my fusible interfacing in.your.face, little missy."

But. I'm not that girl. Nor am I that mama. But my husband likes to tell me of what a big talker I am. And I am. Sometimes. A big talker. I get a little riled up in some situations, but generally keep my cool on the exterior. That is, until I get home and retell the story to the big man of the house.

I guess I don't even really remember what I replied with..probably something like, "Oh, really," or, "Ohh." It doesn't really matter though.

But, YOU NEVER WANTED TWINS!!?? Oh sweet deary, I'd be fine with I never had twins, or I don't know any twins, or even I can't imagine how busy it is with twins. Then I look at the above picture of the girls and I could cry I love them so much. But if you wanted to cut into our awake time (which included a trip to the library and to sit down at Chipotle to calm my craving again) with a conversation starter, try what 97% of the rest of the people say when they stop us to chat. And they don't throw the "never wanted twins" card.

19 comments:

Amy said...

Okay, I have alist of replies for little green geriatric:

1. Neither did I, 'til I kidnapped these 2 from the hospital. (that one might leave her mouth agape, but is also a bit creepy)

2. Bet you never wanted to wear diapers either.

3. Or the not stopping, but interrupting her with, "I won't take up your time chatting, you haven't got much left..."

The truth is tho, these old folks are lonely, bored, & so experienced & rough w/ life's edges, that they have no idea how they come across, or don't care. YOU & your 4 under 3 are probably the highlight of her week.

Faith Hope Love Mama said...

RUDE!
She obviously didn't get mother of the year award did she?
You are one blessed mother with all your little dearies. I wish I was so fortunate to have more of my own and wanted you to know (as if you don't already know) how incredibly lucky you are to have 4 wonderfully, adorable children!!!

4 Little Men & Twins said...

some people just don't get it... I've gotten all sorts of comments "poor you" "better you than me" "you are crazy" "i am so sorry" ect...

it's really crazy what people actually say out loud. Oh well... they are the ones missing out. :)

ASHENFELTERS said...

Hello. I found your blog off the Murrays. I too have 5 children 7 and under(including a set of twins) and I have had so many comments like the above it's crazy.I usually comment back with, Well, they sure are a blessing to us. That way I can say something back but not be rude about it...which is what I am REALLY doing in my head!:)Keep up the good work! God bless...Connie in Indiana

MCK Mama said...

Argh! Blogger ate my comment. Here goes again:

(Amy's comment was the bomb.)

For what it's worth, I HAVE always wanted twins. I used to draw twins all the time when I was younger. And then, naturally, name my drawn twins. I am a bit sad that God didn't decide to bless me with two real ones of my own. But, I guess since I practically have Irish twins, I shouldn't complain:)

I am SO sorry that lady said that to you. Again. And again. And again. And again. Argh!

I am also happy that you have this blog to vent about it. There are some things I've been wanting to vent about lately, but can't on my blog because I am sure the people who I want to quote read my blog. So, thanks for the forum...if you don't mind, I will share what I have heard in the past two days alone, while we've been out of town:

"Do you KNOW how to NOT get pregnant? There are ways of preventing these things you know." Said with a smile. Made me want to gag.

"I thought you weren't having any more kids. How many ARE you going to have?"

"Wow! You're crazy." Gee, thanks.

Too bad you NEED fabric and can't just avoid that place all together.

Sending lots of love!! :)

Maggi said...

That is such an awful thing to say 'I never wanted twins. I have 8 childern all single births and I would have loved twins....silly woman.

Lisa H said...

What a funny woman--I'm often surprised what people say without even thinking.

For what it's worth, I always wanted to have twins! I thought it would be pretty cool, but since I wasn't blessed in that way--I'll just keep reading YOUR blog! :)

Stephanie Balvin said...

I hear ya and wanting people to help you not say the stupid things women say to us. There are so many things I have marked in my mind that I've heard, and I tell myself, "Please remember to never say that". It's a page long at least.

I love the line, "wow, you must have your hands full?" Clearly, I do, and if you want to offer your hands, I would love it.

I don't know why I get so heated up about comments because people don't really know better, but seriously- BACK OFF if you don't have a word of inspiration or encouragement for us young moms.

Thanks for the blog Tiff, I love it!

Lori said...

Tiff-
Ok, first, these are the same people who say, "Wow. I'm glad it's not me." To that I say, "I'm glad it's not you, too." With all the craziness and all the confusion this first year has brought us with our twins, know in your heart there is a reason.

Second, God doesn't give multiples to women with incompetent husbands. So there's a huge spot we're blessed - with competent willing husbands who love being husbands and love being fathers. No matter what.

Third, in public with all the looks and comments, etc, I sorta space out other people and focus on my children to let them know we're in this together and no matter what people say or do, THEY (we) ARE NOT CIRCUS SIDE SHOWS.

Forth, as much as we go through in any given day, we know we have been chosen by a gracious God to keep safe the most precious cargo He could entrust us with. And because we get two at a time, I believe, we are secretly blessed. Ya know, He doesn't let just anyone do this

And Lastly, we are advocates for our children. This lady can make whatever comment she wants TO YOU, but when your children hear it, it may make them feel like they were "mistakes" or "unwanted." This makes me particularly upset. I NEVER want any of my kids to feel unwanted. So go for it. Put this woman in her place. What is she going to do? Be mad at you? Who cares. Your children will see their mom stick up for them and their existance. They will be able to hear from their own mother's mouth how lucky she feels and how good her kids are. How she's been blessed beyond her highest expectations (and you can think how it's good that old fart didn't have twins because unlike you, she didn't have it all together. And couldn't have handled it. You can tell. Even by her reaction (every single time you go in there) to you and yours. And maybe some days you don't feel like you have it "all together" or that you're "handling it", but you are. And you do well. And your kids couldn't want for anything more. So to that old hag, take off your outside rudeness and peel away your inner jealousy and for once, tell someone else you think they're amazing. And, Tiff, even if she doesn't (and you know she'll probably never change), you know you're one of the most blessed women on Earth). Could you ever want for anything more?

-Lori

PS We picked up the van on Wednesday. I'm still struggling....

Anonymous said...

I'm with you. I could write a book on all the unnecessary comments said. But then, why would I want to remember them all.

Your children are adorable, but I know you already know that.

Marci

Kelly said...

I have been dreaming of having twins lately and I would welcome it with opened arms. Twins have such a bond that it is unbreakable and amazing to watch. Of course, chatty people usually put there foot in their mouth. They speak before thinking. Bad choice of words sometimes.
Congrats to you for being kind and not taking the lady out ( :

MCK Mama said...

Wow, I loved Lori's comment...about standing up to the people who say stupid, unkind comments to mothers of many children...not for our own sake (for we can take it, or ignore it) but for our CHILDREN'S sake, if they are there listening. So they know how WE feel. Being faced with silly comments like that fabric lady's gives us a chance to remind our kids that they WERE wanted.

Anonymous said...

I have been pondering for a few days the Olde's remarks about never wanting twins and wondering just why would she continually cast out that, what seems to be an incensitive comment? My conclusion is, maybe she did at one time want twins but she lost them prematurely and to make it easier just says, I never wanted twins, or she just needs to be in the presence of a Jesus with skin on, so she is attracked to someone as sweet and considerate as you. If not the case, I will have a friendly little talk with the lady next time I need a cut of fabric.

Tara said...

What a rude thing to say! Especially in front of your kids. Well I DID want twins, and in fact I had them for 13 weeks in utero. And even though I currently have 4 kids already (three since I lost the twins) I'd love to have twins! So there old lady at the craft store! :)

April said...

Hi, I found you through MckMama, and I have twins! I actually have 3 boys under 4! I love my life, but I didn't imagine it this way. I get the same comments and looks. When people same something like, "double trouble," I tell them, "No, this is the double BLESSING that I prayed for." People are just fascinated by multiples, whether that's healthy or unhealthy on their part. Either way, I am sorry, and I truly understand how you feel.

Mike and Katie said...

This is the first time I've read your blog and I must tell you I thought JoAnn was a friend and that fusible interfacing was a fancy way of saying IRL conversation!

We have an olde like that a the court house. It's the security guard who always tells us the story about his wishes for adoption and doing foster care and mentoring. He's very sweet, but cuts into our waketime and worktime for my husband.

We're hoping to apply again but when we saw that we'd have to go to the courthouse to be fingerprinted again, we've been putting it off. We just don't have that much time!

Your kids are a blessing.

Lorie said...

Good night nurse...I found your blog, from a friend's blog, and this is the first time I have read it. Notice the first thing I go to is the post about twins, because I would have given my right arm for twins...I mean I think I am serious here....I really would have considered it. I have 5 wonderful children whom I absolutely adore, but I wanted to try for one more (in secret hopes it would be 2more). of course my husband knows this about me, and to be honest twins scare him a little. I have 2 girls, who are the same size, so they are my makeshift twins. I have even been tempted to just say "YES THEY ARE" when folks have asked me if they are twins. I don't know what people are thinking when things roll off their tongue, but for it to roll off of hers 4+ times is a little disturbing to me. I think after the 4th time, you have been quite polite and patient with above mentioned Joann Worker. I know you know how blessed you are, hopefully someday she will see it that way as well. God Bless You!

theolfelts said...

Ok, so it's been a year since you posted this, but I'm new here and I found it absolutely hilarious. Why, WHY the rude comments from strangers?! I'm now 8 mo. pregnant and have had so many awkward and unnecessary comments from people (particularly of the old and senile genre) in public (grocery stores, elevators, bathrooms... nowhere is sacred) for the last 4 months that I'm not sure if I'm more excited for my baby's arrival or for the end of being a walking pregnancy sounding board.

I'm sad to hear that the comments don't necessarily stop post-baby bump.

A little over a month ago I posted on my blog about a similar experience: http://the.olfelts.com/2009/04/its-pretty-much-a-cake-walk/

I hope you enjoy! Also, thank you for sharing your fun parenting stories! It makes me excited to have some of my own soon!

Kim said...

Ditto on the "I'm way late finding your blog and this post" but had to chime in: Twins are just so very cool. People don't know what they're missing. I actually think mine are easier because of their relationship than two different-aged kids would have been. So "pfffltpltffft" on her (if she's still alive at the time of this writing!) :)